Sex is a very important aspect of life, it can be argued that it is one of the most important aspects of life. One of the reasons many people
run away from refuse to get involved married to Sickle cell individuals is because of the silent thought that people living with the condition will break are too fragile, hence, will not able to handle and satisfy the sexual desires of their partners. Even though we are a faith based initiative, and preach against premarital sex, we need to be as real as it takes in this article in order to be as educative as possible.
The aim of this write-up is enlighten many on the sexual disposition of Sickle Cell Conquerors. A lot of people in the society have looked down on many individuals living with sickle cell, which has resulted in a lot of Sickle Cell individuals looking down on themselves. Like we have done previously trying to answer and dispel many myths relating to sickle cell, we hope to answer these spoken and unspoken questions on the sexual orientation of Warriors. To do so, we sent questions to six different individuals living with sickle cell to answer. We are very grateful for their honesty and will display their answers as they gave us. We will however like to keep the anonymity of these individuals, therefore their answers will be presented using different names. The questions and answers are as follows:
1) How old are you?
Tunde (Male): 33
Salewa (Female): 35 +
Obi (Male): 29
Chidinma (Female): 27
Ali (Male): 37
Amina (Female): 32
These answers show that the respondents are all adults.
2) How old were you when you first had sex?
Tunde (Male): 19
Salewa (Female): Early 20s
Obi (Male): 16
Chidinma (Female): 20
Ali (Male): 25
These answers show that the respondents have been sexually active for a while now and except for one person started having sex early in life.
3) What is the maximum number of rounds of sex you have gone?
Tunde (Male): 4
Salewa (Female): 3
Obi (Male): 5
Chidinma (Female): 3
Ali (Male): 2
Amina (Female): 4 (I usually do about 2, but I wanted to impress my partner)
From the responses, we can see that every individual asked has the capacity to go beyond 1 round of sex and can go as high as 5 rounds. However, it seems that men can go more rounds than women. We will need to ask many more people to be more certain of this fact.
4) How often do you have sex?
Tunde (Male): Occasionally
Salewa (Female): Depends, Average of Bi- Weekly
Obi (Male): Varies. When in a sexual relationship, as much as 5 times a week.
Chidinma (Female): I’m a very sexual person and I enjoy having sex a lot so I have it as often as I can get it. Let’s say in a week I could have it like 5/6 times
Ali (Male): Like twice in a week but over two years now I can go for months without having sex.
Amina (Female): When I’m in a sexual relationship, I can go like everyday, I can also hold body too.
These varying responses show that Sickle Cell individuals are not different from other people, they too like normal people can have sex just as many times as they feel like.
5) Have you ever had a crisis during or right after sex?
Tunde (Male): No
Salewa (Female): Afterwards, Yes
Obi (Male): Varies. Yes
Chidinma (Female): The thing with sex is your heart pumps blood faster through all the veins and we all know that faster blood pumping means that any sickle cells that have been relaxing gets flushed into the main blood stream then smaller blood vessels start clogging up. So yes I have had crisis before and this was when I just started out having sex. Almost right after I’m done I started feeling body pains
Ali (Male): No
Amina (Female): Thankfully No
These responses show that it is possible to have a crisis as a result of sex. However, once a person is healthy, it is also possible to never have a crisis as a result of sex.
6) If yes, how are you ensuring you prevent crisis from occurring anymore?
Tunde (Male): No response
Salewa (Female): Don’t succumb to the urge to satisfy my partner at the expense of my health. If I’m not feeling well or up to it, I simply say no.
Obi (Male): I understand my body better now. I know and respect my limits. Also I take fluids immediately after (Not immediately before, this causes water to rumble around the tummy while having sex). Very rarely (in the past) I have taken pain killer before sex as a preemptive measure.
Chidinma (Female): For we sickle cell patients we know that hydration is key. So I always ensure my body is highly hydrated. You can never have too much water as a sickle cell patient. Water helps to keep the sickle cells supple and prevents the blood from becoming thick. So for me I always ensure that I always stay hydrated. And always have a bottle of water around you when having sex. But most importantly generally sicklers should always ensure they stay adequately hydrated. It’s not just when you plan on having sex that you decide to drink lots of water. Make it a habit because you might want to be spontaneous in your sex life. Your spouse could show up at your office or you could show up at theirs or somewhere and might want to have a quickie. So its necessary our bodies are hydrated at all times
Ali (Male): No response
Amina (Female): Naturally, I don’t think I will have sex if I feel like I’m going to be ill, plus sex relaxes me. Takes all the tension away, so I do think it helps in preventing a crisis *wink*
The respondents have given helpful tips to prevent crisis from happening during or after sex. As a sickle cell individual, the importance of hydration cannot be over emphasized, keep healthy and just like you will not do any rigorous activity if you don’t feel well, please don’t feel pressured into having sex if you don’t feel up to it.
7) What prevention methods do you use to prevent pregnancy?
Tunde (Male): Condoms & withdrawal method.
Salewa (Female): Birth control methods, Ovulation calculation and Bone face (lol)
Obi (Male): Condoms, Pills, Withdrawal.
Chidinma (Female): Right up until when I got married (which gave me free ticket to legal sex…lol) I always used protection. Its necessary because you are not preventing yourself from only unwanted pregnancy but infections and you know our bodies hates infections.
Ali (Male): The use of condom.
Amina (Female): I won’t lie, I’ve been really careless here. I always trust the guy to do withdrawal method. I don’t really like condoms and when I start getting scared that I might be pregnant, I start praying that I am not. But right now, I’m celibate and will not be opening my legs anymore till I get married. I don’t like the hypertension and I don’t like the fact that I am sinning against God and my body.
These responses are not different from what any individual will do to prevent pregnancy. However, we will like to state here that the withdrawal method is NOT an effective pregnancy prevention method. Many people have been known to get pregnant despite this method. It should also be mentioned that the only 100% guaranteed method is abstinence.
8) Have you ever contracted a sexually transmitted infection (STI)? If yes, how was it treated?
Tunde (Male): No
Salewa (Female): No, I cannot add to the wahala I already face.
Obi (Male): No
Chidinma (Female): Never had one
Ali (Male): No
Amina (Female): Yes, I initially thought it was a toilet infection, but my doctor made me realize it was an STI. I took some antibiotics and used one cream like that, they were prescribed by my doctor.
We will like to mention here that you should please be extremely careful in preventing an STI. STI’s can lead to very terrible illnesses (crisis) and complications. We preach again that you should abstain from sex if you are not married, and only have sex with your partner if you are married.
9) What prevention methods do you use to prevent STI’s?
Tunde (Male): Condoms
Salewa (Female): Use condoms, stick to one partner
Obi (Male): Condoms
Chidinma (Female): No response
Ali (Male): No response
Amina (Female): I no longer have sex. Before, I will be doing it based on trusting my partner, but now, I don’t trust anybody but myself.
The respondents have given the use of condoms as a useful tip to preventing STI’s. Other tips we will like to mention are sticking to one partner and abstinence. If you are unmarried, trust has never prevented STI’s.
10) What is the craziest sexual thing you have done?
Tunde (Male): Attempting doing an anal
Salewa (Female): None. I’m too cautious.
Obi (Male): Sex in a dark hallway. Sex in a parked car. Some BDSM.
Chidinma (Female): Mehn there are a whole lot. From having it at the back of the car in a parking lot, to going to my husband’s office for a lunch quickie, to doing it at the balcony at night.
Ali (Male): None
Amina (Female): In the car on a street at night and in my ex’es office.
These responses show that people living with Sickle Cell can just be as adventurous as people who don’t.
11) What is the scariest sexual experience you have had?
Tunde (Male): A lady being far more experienced than me
Salewa (Female): Having a crisis after sex, a very bad case of it.
Obi (Male): Not really scary. Just annoying. That feeling of an impending crisis after a sex. Embarrassing too, if I have to explain to her why I can’t give her more.
Chidinma (Female): It was right after I just got disvirgined. I was having pains and could not keep it together and couldn’t even hold my urine for long and was always messing up myself. But eventually got over it
Ali (Male): None
Amina (Female): When I was told I had an STI, and also, those panic attacks I get when I felt I might be pregnant.
The responses are self explanatory. We will just like to mention that please don’t subject yourself to a partner who is not understanding, an understanding partner will help you work through your issues. Also, scary experiences are normal. If you feel like you have a medically related scary experience, please talk to a professional.
12) Has your sexual partner ever complained to you that they were left unsatisfied?
Tunde (Male): Yes
Salewa (Female): No
Obi (Male): Yes
Chidinma (Female): Definitely they have
Ali (Male): That has never happened.
Amina (Female): Well, I’m really bitter here. He didn’t tell me, I read it on his phone as a chat to his friend. He made fun of me.
Again, please note that communication is key. These things happen, take every feedback well because everyone learns and grows daily.
13) If yes, what steps did you take to improve your performance?
Tunde (Male): Nothing.
Salewa (Female): No response
Obi (Male): Paced myself better. Learned to delay my ejaculation.
Chidinma (Female): It’s important to ensure you have an understanding partner because they are sometimes they would crave sex so bad and you might not be able to deliver. And that’s why its important we ensure we try our best in keeping our bodies hydrated and taking our vitamins regularly. You don’t want to come across as being selfish to your partner because no matter what they have needs too.
Ali (Male): No response.
Amina (Female): I asked more sexually experienced friends for tips, read stuff on the internet and then practiced on the mo’fo, giving him a good goodbye sex.
Do everything you can to improve in every aspect of life. Don’t stop learning! And yes, know your body.
14) Have you ever felt pressured to go beyond your sexual capacity (e.g to be acrobatic)?
Tunde (Male): No
Salewa (Female): Yes, But I don’t give into pressure cos the pain would be mine alone to bear.
Obi (Male): No
Chidinma (Female): Definitely I have. I once had a boyfriend who complained about how I wasn’t spontaneous in bed. And it got me curious and I watched a couple of movies and read a lot also. Like I said earlier its not just about us. We need to ensure our partners are satisfied. You don’t want to leave them feeling deprived.
Ali (Male): No
Amina (Female): Well, yea… The pressure to up my game from just lying there, to doing stuff just to please my ex. One time, I wanted to die! The guy just wasn’t stopping.
Well… please note that pressure is normal, caving into it is optional. Choose your pressure, to each his/her own.
15) What is your favorite sexual position?
Tunde (Male): Advanced doggy
Salewa (Female): Reverse cowgirl (Please don’t ask me to explain!)
Obi (Male): The Jockey. (Effective in delivering pleasure while being less stressful than most. I also like the view.)
Chidinma (Female): I love the missionary style when it’s done the right way. Trust me there are levels to that style and also I love it from the back
Ali (Male): Missionary style or Doggy style.
Amina (Female): Cowgirl
On a lighter note, there are so many styles we can’t keep up, or maybe we can.
In conclusion we will like to drop a bible verse here and we hope it minister’s to you. 1st Corinthians 7:2 – Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
Survey Performed By The CrimsonBow Sickle Cell Initiative (CBSCI) Team